What Women Want In A Man
According to some experts* there are seven main qualities which a woman expects to find in a man.
1 Honesty
To start with, and probably high on every woman’s list, is one which men often forget is of fundamental importance to women: honesty.
It’s become almost a cliché that men in relationships with women will lie to avoid — well, to avoid what? The difficulty of being interrogated in a way that somehow seems invasive?
Or is it simply that many men feel powerless to maintain their internal psychological boundaries in the face of a woman’s “assault”?
Or is it that women are suspicious of what men do and think? Is this one way in which they feel they can reassure themselves that all is well in the relationship?
In other words, does this serve as a way for the woman to reassure herself that a man is truly who she thinks he is?
In either case, a woman certainly never wants a man to feel he has to lie. From her point of view, lying
- indicates the man is making poor choices
- doing something he’s ashamed of
- wants to keep a secret
- or has some area of his life which he does not wish to share with his partner.
Generally speaking, there’s a certain amount of truth in these assumptions.
On the other hand, it’s also possible for women to try and poke into the man’s secret world. His world isn’t just about “going into the cave” to sort out his own problems. It’s true men do like to work out solutions to problems and generally speaking don’t welcome a woman’s help until they’re ready for it.
This is really more about a man feeling that he is capable of solving his own problems. This not only pleases him, but also keeps his psychological and emotional well-being and self-esteem high.
You see, what women probably don’t understand is that solving problems is part of a man’s self identity. We men are brought up from a very early age to see ourselves as problem solvers. That’s why men like to fix things for women when women “Have a problem.”
Of course, as we know, what pleases a woman most is for the man simply to sit back and listen to her as she talks her way through a problem.
These two behaviors are very different. Unless men and women in relationship understand how important these differences are to each gender, there is very likely to be conflict between them.
Video – What pleases her?
On a more personal level, it’s also important for men to realize that brutal honesty isn’t appropriate most of the time. What if a woman asks “Do I look fat in this?” Well, it’s a fair bet she’s not actually asking for her man to tell her that, yes indeed, her ass is too big.
What she’s looking for is a comment which admires the parts of her which do deserve respect and appreciation.
The next thing a woman wants in a relationship with a man is understanding.
Apparently it’s important for a woman to believe that a man has a deep understanding of how she thinks and feels.
Yet of course this is a paradox. Those in relationship with a member of the opposite gender can find they don’t understand anything at all about how their partner thinks and feels!
For a man, pleasing a woman isn’t just about being a competent lover, or being able to fix things. It also involves extending himself into areas where he might not be very comfortable. It also means understanding his partner inside out, as she would wish him to do.
For a woman, the most important thing that a man can do for her is to cherish her above all else in his life. In other words, for women it’s important that she is indeed the most important thing in a man’s life. This is what what truly gives her pleasure.
And of course one way in which a woman assesses whether this is to examine how well she thinks he understands her.
The third thing that matters very much indeed to a woman is to know that she is genuinely important in your life. To put it simply, to know that she matters to you.
You can see this another way, of course: you could see it as a way of not being alone in the world. Because, from the moment as a baby when we separate from mother, to the moment we die, we are indeed (in one sense) alone.
It’s possible to fulfill the need for connection which comes from our sense of being alone in many ways. For women, the most pleasing way may be living with the knowledge that she is indeed the most important thing in her man’s life.
Women “always” want a man to connect with, so they feel the comfort and solace of intimacy and emotional union. This makes life a lot easier for a woman.
As men, perhaps we do not keep in mind how challenging so many women can find life in a patriarchal society. So, having a man by her side, to offer her support and caring, will please a woman greatly, and in pleasing her, she is more willing to extend herself in an effort to please you in return.
Video – male characteristics most pleasing to women
And fourth, a woman wants strength in a man.
Now this is not to say that one has to be a bodybuilding champion or physically strong. Strength comes in many forms, both physical and mental. A woman needs to know that she’s partnered by a man who is able to sustain both her, himself, and the partnership through times of trouble or challenge. One might add, and to do it without breaking up, cracking up or giving way.
The origins of this female desire are probably biological. They may rest in a woman’s need to feel protected by a male when she bears children for him.
The desire for a strong man may come from a woman’s genetic programming. It may also come from the sense of completeness she feels when she is partnered with a man who can stand by her and support her through challenges and difficulties.
Perhaps many men don’t really understand the importance for woman being strong for her. This is something that really brings you pleasure, makes her feel safe — and indeed, is sexually arousing for her.
If you have a held your partner in a firm embrace, you may have heard her say, admiringly, “You’re strong, aren’t you?” This is one small insight into the importance of male strength for a woman in relationship.
The fifth thing that women want in a man is compassion.
Compassion is a quality that’s basically about demonstrating you are able to put yourself in the shoes of another living being. It’s about showing that you have a sensitive side which allows you to imagine what life might be like for another person, a child, or some other living being.
Compassion is what makes us treat each other with kindness. It shows that you are sensitive and caring and you know what it would be like for another living being to be treated cruelly.
Women do not see compassion in a man as weakness. They see it as a sign of strength, and it pleases them greatly to know that their man is a compassionate man.
This knowledge makes a woman feel even safer. A compassionate man is not likely to turn aggressive or abusive. A compassionate man is to be respected, especially when his compassion is aligned with strength.
You need to display strength and compassion, as well as loyalty and respect for your woman. Then she will feel sexual excitement when she looks at you. That’s because she feels safe.
The sixth quality that women look for in a man is something to do with security.
And of course security, like strength, comes in different forms. Once again, it’s worth remembering that for a woman, the presence of a man is often about feeling safe.
That’s never the case in an abusive relationship, particularly where a man’s behavior is unpredictable, of course. But a woman who is with a compassionate and strong man will feel fundamentally fulfilled because of his ability to protect her from physical harm.
And because security does come in different forms, she would also like you, as a man, to be capable of providing for her financially, and able to protect her from financial difficulties in life.
Many women have been brought up to think of themselves as liberated and free. I believe that the women who are most fulfilled, happy and pleased, are those who are in a good relationship with a man.
Those women who are with a man who fulfills these seven criteria are happiest of all. That’s especially true if he is a mature man who displays all these things as natural aspects of his masculinity.
And finally, number seven, is the quality that men find perhaps most challenging. It’s about being unquestionably loyal to her and cherishing her above all else.
Every heterosexual man who’s ever lived knows the temptation and seduction of women’s bodies. Looking at an attractive women is tempting, rewarding and natural for men. Doing so naturally promotes many unconscious thoughts about sex and what it would be like to make love to a woman.
Women know this, at some level. And they are threatened by it. Men’s desire to explore, to take risks, to be adventurous, are deeply unsettling to many women.
Deeply programmed into the feminine genes is a belief that when a man looks at another woman he’s thinking of having sex with her. And of course, he may well be. Since women are to some degree programmed to “capture a man and never let him go“, these fears are quite understandable.
What’s missing from this equation, of course, is the sophisticated and mature emotional development of men.
We men have gradually lost touch with our own hearts, the hearts of women, and the energies of Mother earth. Now men who are truly loyal to one woman and have a mature masculine essence are comparatively few and far between.
But if you can establish a deep and meaningful relationship with a particular woman then every aspect of the relationship will become more and more satisfying as time goes by to both you and her.
Intimacy and emotional connection will be profound. You will both feel deep emotional satisfaction. And your lovemaking and sex will also be deeply pleasurable.
Superficial attraction to another woman might lead to a transient experience of powerful sex. However, sex is better in a loving relationship than outside of it.